


One More Reason Why Ben Hendrickson Wishes His Family Wasn't Polygamist

by lodessa



Category: Big Love
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-11
Updated: 2007-06-11
Packaged: 2017-10-21 13:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/225632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lodessa/pseuds/lodessa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben and Sarah used to talk about their family going back to the way things used to be... times have changed. No spoilers other than the basic setup of the show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One More Reason Why Ben Hendrickson Wishes His Family Wasn't Polygamist

When Ben imagines his family becoming normal again, (when they were younger he and Sarah talked about it but now it’s a silent and solitary ritual) he sends Nicki back to Juniper Creek without any second thoughts. She’s weird and judgmental and in Ben’s mind she belongs there because she’s the reason that his life stopped being simple and became full on deception and shame. Logically, he knows it wasn’t all Nicki’s fault but he still feels like it is. Ben thinks a lot about his parents getting back together like normal parents and giving up the whole polygamy thing.

Recently he’s been having other thoughts too, the kind where he’s the one benefiting from the situation. He’s a guy and it isn’t like he doesn’t get it. Religious mumbo jumbo or not, it’s got to be pretty awesome having three women. Of course, Ben always fantasizes about Brynn being one of his wives, even though he’s pretty sure she’d kick his ass if she even suspected he thought about that kind of thing. The best thing about these fantasies is how confident and in control he feels. Instead of feeling awkward and guilty, he knows that being with Brynn is right and holy and feels it is sanctioned by God. She looks up at him adoringly and of course understands everything that totally frustrates her in real life.

He feels a little guilty about this fantasy, but what he feels a lot guiltier about is that the woman he spends the most time imagining what it would be like to have as a wife is Margene, his dad’s third wife. Ben’s thought she was cute since Bill brought her home to baby-sit (an indignity that Ben was totally embarrassed by). As he’s gotten older she’s only gotten more attractive and sometimes, when Bill’s busy with Juniper Creek or one of the other wives and Ben and Margie sit on the couch watching TV, he swears she looks at him not like her husband’s son but like a man in his own right. It’s probably his imagination, but he really wants it not to be.

So he always imagines her as his wife, how she’d leap up into his arms the way that she does Bill’s and how he’d never let her feel alone and neglected the way that she does now. Ben sees it in her face. She tries to pretend, but what she wants is really not polygamy but to be the center of the man she loves’ world, and eventually Ben realizes that this isn’t his polygamist fantasy. It’s the same one where his family splits back up and Nikki goes back to Juniper Creek and Margie falls into his waiting arms and they live happily ever after.

Ben and Sarah don’t share their fantasies about their family becoming normal again any more. You don’t exactly tell your sister that you sometimes think polygamy might not be so bad, and you definitely don’t tell her that the biggest reason you want your dad to give his later wives up is because you want the youngest one for yourself. He doesn’t know why Sarah stopped talking about it, but why he did is pretty clear.


End file.
